Clarity Read online

The words feel like a hammer slamming into me, knocking me completely senseless. All I can do is stand there, silent, unable to respond.

  “I’m sorry, Nick. I swear, I never meant for it to happen, but—”

  “Don’t,” I stop her. “What do you plan to do?” I ask quicker than I would have expected.

  She’s returned to gravely looking at me. “Before I tell you, I need to know where we stand.”

  “What does that have to do with your decision?” I irritably throw back at her, causing her to flinch. I hadn’t meant for it to come out so brash, but my mind is still trying to process the possibility that I may become a father soon.

  “What’s the point of telling you what I plan on doing if we aren’t even a couple?” she argues in return.

  “Why do you keep thinking that, Taylor? I’ve already explained how I feel about you. And to answer your question, I see us in a relationship, now answer mine,” I demand.

  She walks over and takes a seat on her bed before she answers. “I bought a morning after pill this afternoon,” she explains, but pauses. She hasn’t yet said another word, but my distress evaporates with her comment.

  “Did you take the pill?” I ask, somehow fearful she already has. If she took the pill, there wouldn’t be a child to question any longer. For some agonizing reason, the thought has me uneasy as she takes her time to answer.

  Hanging her head as if ashamed, she replies, “I couldn’t do it.”

  Closing my eyes, I let out the breath I’d been holding, the weight of those seconds escaping with that breath. Opening them, she’s woefully looking up at me.

  “If I am pregnant and you want nothing to do with me or the baby, I’ll understand. I promise I won’t ever bother you for anything, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I took the pill,” she whimpers out before burrowing her face into her hands. It’s what I need to hear to make me move. Crouching down in front of her, I force her hands from her face and look into her sorrow filled eyes.

  “I would never make you raise our baby on your own.”

  “But I’m not going to force you to stay with me, Nick.”

  “You wouldn’t be forcing me to do anything, Taylor. I’ve already told you plenty of times I wasn’t going anywhere.”

  She trembles in front of me as she blinks away the tears building in her eyes. She swallows as we silently stare at each other for a moment.

  “Are you mad at me?”

  It takes me a moment to answer, only because I’m carefully choosing my words. “I’ll admit I’m scared, but not mad.” She gives me an understanding nod as she sucks in a deep breath.

  “I meant what I said. I won’t force you to stay. It’s not your fault this is all happening,” she reminds me.

  Her admission has my heart quickening. The fact that she’d easily let me walk away if it were my choice has reminded me of why I’ve come to love her. Her stubbornness, and her will to fight for a child she may be carrying because she refuses to hurt it, shows she’s worth keeping, even if she refuses to see it in herself.

  Leaning in to take her in my arms, I say into her ear, “You’re crazy if you think I’d let you deal with this alone.” The arms wrapped around my neck are returning my embrace, notifying me she approves. It’s all I need to know she’s stuck with me for a while, regardless of the outcome.

  MY LIPS BRUSH up against Taylor’s head while my nose takes in the fragrance of her hair. She tightens her hold on my chest. Most of the nights she slept with her back against my chest, but only moments ago she turned so she can rest her head on my shoulder, a content moan leaving her lips when she gets comfortable. Being awake this early in the morning is not routine for me, but my mind has been in a constant turmoil from the moment we climbed into bed. Sleep has eluded me at this point.

  Most of the night was spent recalling our conversation from last night and the predicament Taylor and I are in. Her stirring has caused me to fully awaken, returning me to my thoughts from earlier.

  Taylor’s alarm begins ringing from her phone, alerting us it’s time for her to awaken. I’m not as lucky as the morning before when I reached for her phone first, easily shutting it off before she was aware. This time she finds it and turns it off before turning to face me. A faint glow of sunlight is peeking through the crack of her curtains, illuminating her smile as she locks eyes with me. Selfishly, I don’t want her to get up out of bed just yet. I want to cherish what extra minutes I can with her before she has to leave for work.

  “Good morning,” she whispers, still groggy and half asleep as she struggles to keep her eyes open. Leaning down to kiss her nose, I reply, “Good morning, sunshine. Anyway I can convince you to stay in bed with me today?”

  She half-heartily chuckles. “Is this going to be a routine question every morning?”

  “I hope so.”

  “I wish I could, but I can’t,” she mumbles into my shoulder, already sounding as if she’s beginning to fall asleep again. I should just let her fall back to sleep, but I would hate for her to get upset at me for letting her do so. Kissing her temple, I sit up, taking her body with me, making her grumble in protest. Rubbing at her sleep filled eyes, she lets out a yawn.

  Her eyes take me in before she speaks. “I’m sorry you’re stuck sleeping in your clothes lately,” she says, referring to the jeans I’m currently wearing. At least she allowed me to remove my shirt while we slept. Her comments cause my thoughts to return to right before we climbed into bed last night.

  “Nick, is it okay if we just sleep tonight?” she had hesitantly asked.

  “Isn’t that what we were going to do?” I joke.

  She’d grown serious to a point that her body stiffened as she stood at the side of her bed with no intention of moving. It was then I understood her hesitation. Making my way over to her and placing my hands on her hips, I said, “Taylor, you’re the one in control. Always will be.” Her body relaxed and she gave me a contented nod before turning to climb into bed. I followed right behind her, molding her body to mine before we drifted off into sleep.

  I suffered through the majority of the night, trying to force away the hard-on that threatened to emerge every time Taylor stirred in my arms. My desires have yet to catch up with the fact that I’d assured her we’d do nothing more than sleep. It was easier in the beginning, when I was gaining her trust, to just simply hold her. But from the first time I made love to her, it was proving more difficult than I’d expected to return to that state of mind.

  Breaking my own thoughts, I ask, “How about we just stay at my place tonight so we don’t have this problem tomorrow morning?”

  There’s a brief silence as she considers my suggestion. “It’s closer to your work, which means we can sleep in longer,” I say, trying to bribe her. Her eyes light up before I lean forward and kiss below her ear to help convince her. I feel her lightly shiver. “Is that a yes?”

  She leans her forehead into my shoulder. “Yes,” she mutters. It’s not an excited “yes” but I will take it. She yanks her head back and asks, “Wait, don’t you have to travel?”

  Cocking my head in surprise, I ask, “Are you sure you’re not becoming a sports fan?”

  A hint of a blush creeps up her cheeks. “I had to ask Katie,” she shyly admits.

  Her admission has me chuckling with her.

  “I have tonight off before I have to travel tomorrow,” I tell her. Then, pushing my luck, I add, “Want to come with me?”

  She rolls her eyes as she stands up. “I have to work Nick, and I’m not calling in sick.”

  I let out a disappointed groan. “Why do you always have to be so difficult?” I tease.

  “Come on. We have to leave soon or else I’m going to be late for work.”

  I don’t have to wait long before she’s returning to her bedroom, already dressed and quickly packing her bag.

  Staring down at the small backpack she holds in her hand, she encourages me to hurry.

  “Let’s go, I need my co
ffee,” she urges.

  “Are you sure you should be drinking coffee?”

  Her brows furrow in confusion. “Why not?” she asks, but just as quickly realizes the reason for my question. “Are you going to be one of those individuals putting me on every restriction possible if I am pregnant?”

  I’m torn as how to answer the question. Is it strange to want to protect something that is a part of me when I’m not even sure it exists?

  “We can get you decaf if you want,” I suggest trying to redeem myself.

  “Forget it. Let’s just go before I’m late for work,” she scowls, but from the tone she uses, I know she isn’t happy about my suggestion.

  Quickly catching up to her before she can open the door, I turn her to face me.

  “No, I wouldn’t have to put restrictions on you because deep down inside I know you would make the right decisions yourself,” I inform her.

  Her lips go flat before I reach down and gently kiss her.

  “I would,” she replies when I pull away. “But if you ever suggest decaf again, I may just strangle you,” she says with a sarcastic smile on her face, making me laugh once more.

  The first thing I do when I reach my desk is pull open the drawer holding my treasured supply of chocolate that Nick gave me weeks ago. I may be denying myself caffeine as a precaution, but I don’t have the strength to deny myself chocolate when I’m aggravated.

  Savoring the milk chocolate as it melts on my tongue, my thoughts drift to the day they were delivered. Every morsel I’ve eaten since then reminds me of Nick. Looking into my purse for my phone, I proceed to send off my first text of the day.

  Chocolate now reminds me of you.

  I send it off and seconds later receive a response.

  Does it taste as good as me?—Nick

  Better, I tease.

  Now my feelings are hurt. :(—Nick

  Since I’m still in a playful mood, my fingers automatically type a response.

  If you’re a good boy, maybe I’ll kiss them better tonight.

  This time I’m hesitant to push send. The intercom announces my patient has arrived, and before I can give it any further thought, I push on the screen so he will receive it. Tossing my phone into my side drawer, I proceed with my day. How I’ve developed the brazenness to send such messages to Nick is still a mystery to me. Knowing it’s a simple text and that I don’t have to verbally announce the confession makes it easier to say. It’s also the bravest I’ve ever been when it comes to flirtatious responses, another act in which Nick has managed to create in me.

  My entire day goes by quicker than I would have expected. I’d kept my promise of a rain check with Katie, even going as far as picking up the tab to make up for my ill-mannered behavior the day before. She understood the reason for my actions, but my conduct was inexcusable since she is my best friend. Her forgiveness leaves me carrying on the remainder of my day in a cheerful mood. It’s when my workday comes to the end that my thoughts return to my message from this morning. Nick has yet to respond and it’s starts to worry me that I may have been a little too bold with him.

  As if my mind can conjure him, I find Nick in my office sitting in my chair behind my desk. His eyes meet mine and his lips go up in a mischievous smile. He’s chewing on one of the prized confections he’d sent me.

  “You’re lucky I like you, or else there would be war for you eating my chocolate.”

  His brow arches in a challenge. “Since you hurt my feelings this morning, I figured the chocolate would perk me up,” he smirks.

  “Is that so?” I ask, already at his side and leaning on my desk. My arms cross over my chest seconds before his arms reach out to jerk me over. I’m now standing in between his legs as he uses his thighs to lock me in place. I use every ounce of willpower to not smile down at him.

  “What are you doing here so early?” I ask, looking towards the clock to find I still have fifteen minutes to go before I can leave.

  “Weren’t you the one complaining in the beginning I was always late?” He looks down at his hand that is holding the chocolate, as if analyzing it. “Plus, I heard chocolate cheers people up and I knew you still had some,” he explains, taking a bite. His eyes peer up at me through his lashes and his lips slightly curve up to one side. “I don’t see how it does.” His response has me rolling my eyes.

  He reaches for my top, pulling me down so our lips are only a breath apart.

  “I would much rather you cheer me up,” he huskily says.

  “What did you have in mind, Mr. Hunter?” I say in return.

  His groan is satisfaction to my ears.

  Leaning down, I kiss him.

  The mix of Nick’s unique taste of his mouth and the sweetness of the chocolate is torture to my senses.

  The clearing of a throat has me jumping back and pulling away from Nick. Cringing, I slowly turn to face the person who made the sound.

  “Ms. Wilson.” The reprimand in my boss’s tone indicates he isn’t happy to have found me locking lips with Nick. He looks past my shoulder as I walk over to accept the envelope he extends in my direction. He turns to place another on Katie’s desk before he looks over his shoulder with a faint smile on his lips. “Have a good evening, Taylor,” he says before exiting the room.

  “You are going to get me fired,” I tell Nick as I glare at him.

  “Good. Maybe then you’ll have more time to spend with me,” he smirks then takes another bite of chocolate.

  “I don’t know what to do with you sometimes, Nick,” I absent-mindedly reply while I walk back to my desk to retrieve my purse. Nick stands and pulls me into his arms.

  “I could think of several things you could do to me.” He nuzzles near my ear.

  “I bet you could, but they won’t be here.”

  The vibration of his chuckle striking against my neck has me stifling a moan

  as he keeps me wrapped securely in his arms. Remembering I value my job over my new found desire encourages me to push Nick away.

  “We should go or else you’re really going to get me fired.” As intended, the words allow me to fully make my escape.

  “You really know how to kill a guy’s mood,” Nick grumbles. His comment makes me smile, knowing I’ve won this battle. But from the smirk still on his lips, I know it won’t be long before I surrender.

  Cringing at the sound of the elevator’s ping, I recall my last experience in this building when I had rushed out as fast as my legs would take me, vowing to never return. Yet, here I am. He begged me to begin trusting him, and to do so I would have to believe he was telling me the truth.

  The hand linked with mine gives me a reassuring squeeze before we take the first step off the elevator. A buzz travels down my spine from both the dread of having to enter his apartment again, and knowing this time I will actually be staying the night, a request in which I mentally prepared myself for the previous time I was invited.

  “Are you hungry?” Nick asks as he shuts the door behind us. Shifting my backpack from one hand to the other, I give him a quick shake of my head. “Let me give you a quick tour of the place.”

  Nick leads the way and I timidly follow him down a hallway to the rear of the apartment. Holding a door open, he waits for me to enter first. Entering himself, he places my bag down on the floor.

  Taking in the room, it’s obviously his. A large bed is in the center, black and grey tones are the preference of choice for his décor. My eyes automatically stay focused on the bed. The moment my eyes spot it, my mind goes to images of Nick with other women, especially the woman who interrupted us my first night.

  Turning to face him, I ask, “Do you have any other rooms?” He looks perplexed by my question. Glancing one more time at the bed, I say, “I don’t want to sleep in the same bed you had sex in.” My statement catches him off guard, rendering him speechless. “I know it’s stupid, but—” I stop, carefully choosing my next words. “I’d just feel more comfortable sleeping in a guest room if you have o
ne.”

  “Are you serious?” he asks, his voice laced of bitterness. I don’t bother answering but find myself already exiting the bedroom, needing to escape. “Taylor, where are you going?”

  Stopping as I enter the living room, I’m full of trepidation from the tone he’s used to catch my attention. “Maybe this was a bad idea, Nick,” I inform him, already regretting I’d agreed to this idea.

  “Why are you acting like this? It’s just a bed,” he defends, extending his arm out to point back to his bedroom.

  “A bed that God only knows how many girls you fucked in it!” I throw back at him.

  He looks astonished by my statement. “Are you really going to hold that against me?” His tone rises with each word. “I was no saint before you met me, but just like I don’t hold your past against you, I wish you wouldn’t use mine as an excuse to run,” he defensibly lets out. His eyes are furiously narrowing down at me, clearly challenging me.

  “We all have ghosts in our past, but don’t expect me to sleep in the same bed you had sex with them in,” I retaliate now narrowing my own eyes back at him.

  I can see his jaw tightening, but he remains silent. I’ve never been in a situation like this.

  “I’m sorry, Nick. I don’t want to be compared to anyone else. It’s why I always insist we sleep at my place,” I admit, dropping my gaze to the floor between us.

  “I never once treated you like someone from my past and I never will, Taylor. But you have to start putting both our pasts behind us if you want to make this relationship work.”

  He’s left the decision up to me. The weight of his declaration has me seeing reason, afraid it may all come to an end any moment.

  “Do you have a guest room?” I ask again, hoping he’ll say he does.

  A smile slowly rises on one corner of his mouth when he answers. “Yeah, I do. I haven’t had anyone besides my brother stay in there. Alone.” I smile inside while he stalks his way over to me. My arms automatically lock around his neck as he takes me in his arms. “I know you said you weren’t hungry, but do you mind if I order in? I’m starving.”