Clarity Page 13

  She’s nervously considers my question for a moment. “I’d like that,” she utters. I don’t know how I would have reacted had she denied my request, but knowing I’ll be holding her in my arms a little bit longer replaces the worry I’d once harbored. I may only have the privilege to simply lie next to Taylor for another hour, but at this point, I’ll take it. It’s more than I would have ever expected when I first met her.

  Following her to her room, I wait while she goes to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Minutes later, she’s back at my side with a grimace similar to the one from earlier.

  “Are you still mad about the tickets?”

  Her pounding out the lumps in her pillow with more force than needed is my answer. “Taylor, it’s no big deal. They always hold a certain amount of tickets for family and friends for when the athletes need them,” I reassure her, hoping to cheer her up.

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure she was banking on that,” she grimaces. “She just better not get used to it, because I refuse to let her use you.”

  “What if I let you use me instead,” I say, the words uncontrollably come out of my mouth before I can stop them. I’m bracing myself for the wrath that may come from the comment.

  “I’ll keep that in mind for when I want my own box seats. Let me know when you play those Cubs,” she teases, turning off the light.

  I don’t know whether to laugh or clarify how our teams are in two different leagues and how it would rarely happen, but I’m distracted from the thought of how my sexual remark didn’t trigger Taylor to command me to leave, as it had in the past. With the darkness of the room surrounding us, she climbs into bed, allowing me to follow her. Entwining our bodies into each other as we had the last time I stayed the night, my hand begins gliding up and down her back as I smile. I listen as her breathing slowly calms. I’m gradually starting to fall asleep when Taylor’s voice startles me awake.

  “I never had any dreams growing up, but I do know there was one thing I didn’t want to be,” she declares.

  “And what is that?” I ask, rubbing her back.

  “My mother.”

  She tightens her arms wrapped around my waist and rubs her face against my chest, as if trying to find the perfect spot. Her answer has left me with more questions than before, but her answer has added another layer of understanding. I know there is plenty left to uncover, but hopefully with time and patience, I’ll eventually peel them all.

  NICK WAS ALREADY gone by the time I had awoken the next morning. My heart immediately began mourning the loss of his arms when I’d reached over for him and found the bed empty and cold. When he had gotten up to leave was a mystery. Telling myself it was for the best that he left without a word was a lie in itself as well. However, as before, the text messages had resumed that same afternoon. Day after day, we would have our simple conversations throughout the day, but come night, they were absent. I kept telling myself it was due to his schedule, but the nights were beginning to be the most difficult for me. The nightmares were returning, some nights with full force, and even Katie struggled to awaken me. So far, I’ve had one every night since Nick left. I was beginning to fear falling asleep.

  Tired, exhausted, and moody, today was not the day to enlighten me with a reminder of Sarah’s wedding. While everyone was joyfully preparing to celebrate a new journey for my co-worker, I was sitting at home still resenting having to go. If I thought my Mondays were bad, today felt like a month full of Monday’s bundled into one afternoon.

  The wedding was beautiful in spite of all my protest to be there, but seeing Sarah happy, nothing else seemed to matter. It was her day, after all. I would just have to learn to push my childish manner aside for her. She’d chosen to have the reception outside, and with the sunset now hours behind us, the atmosphere was the perfect backdrop to her moonlight first dance with her husband. Preceding the first dance, everyone was ready to party. Everyone expect me.

  Feeling anxious to leave, I’m brought to a complete halt when a familiar husky voice caresses my neck.

  “Hey there, where are you going?”

  My heart speeds up and my blood begins to race with delight. Swiftly turning, I nearly lose my balance, but Nick is quick to catch me, pulling me tightly to his side. The unique aroma of his cologne overtakes my senses, and it’s the final piece needed to make my knees weak. I practically melt in Nick’s arms.

  “You’re here. You said you weren’t coming,” I croak out, surprised with myself for finding my voice to state the obvious. Before I get a chance to finish, he’s just as quickly cutting me off by commenting, “You. Look. Beautiful.”

  His warm breath and cavalier compliment warmly gliding against the skin below my ear hits me like a ton of bricks, sending every spark possible to rush inside of me. Failing to hide the blush now spreading across my cheeks, along with my bashful smile, I bravely take a step back to fully take him in. He’s wearing a tuxedo, and even my absentminded ability for fashion understands it’s designer. The suit is highlighting every inch of his body, leaving me now gushing with desire with just one look.

  Desperately needing a distraction, I remember why I’d originally stood up. “I was going to find Katie to tell her I’m leaving,” I admit.

  “Why would you want to do that?” he asks, his eyes glancing in the direction of the dance floor. If he thinks for one moment I’m going to be heading in that direction, then he’s in for disappointment.

  “Nick, I don’t dance,” I point out.

  His hand intertwines with mine as he begins looking over my shoulder. “Take a walk with me,” he says, more a command than a request. I’m urged to walk at Nick’s side.

  “Nick, where are we going?”

  The memory of the last occasion when a similar command was made has put a hindrance in my steps. The thought of Nick leading me to a secluded area is terrifying. As much as I’m slowly beginning to grow comfortable with him, the demons of my past will always have a reaction to isolated spaces. Because of those same demons, my feet are now rooted to the ground, and keeping me planted in my spot.

  “Taylor?” Nick says, his voice full of worry. I’m staring at a set of blue eyes full of concern. Breathing deeply helps encourage me to push past my boundaries. Nick isn’t to blame for the actions of my past and I’m tired of letting that said past control my life. If being alone with Nick in the dark of the night is one step forward to helping me slay those demons, then I’m willing to take the risk of what will come.

  Swallowing my fear, I ask, “Where exactly do you want to go?”

  Nick resumes our steps and leads us to a walkway illuminated by candlelit lanterns. Soon, we’re standing not too far from where we’d just left, but with enough privacy to conceal us from passersby. The music can still be heard clearly, and as if on cue, the chorus of Frank Sinatra’s It Had to Be You begins. His arm wraps securely around my waist, tugging me tight against his chest while he reaches for my hand. Our bodies begin swaying to the rhythm of the music.

  “I should have known you’d find a way to get your way,” I say as I lean my head against his shoulder.

  Swaying us a little faster so he can turn us in a full circle, I suppress a giggle. “I love making you smile,” he says into my ear, making me shudder slightly.

  “I bet you must do this all the time with girls,” I remark.

  “Is that what you think?” he asks, tilting his head as he waits for my response.

  “Yes.”

  “I’ve never done this before. I hate to dance, but somehow you made me want to.”

  His answer surprises me, but the ambience of our surroundings just as quickly distracts me. Frank’s smooth voice, the feel of Nick’s warm embrace, and my head gently resting against his shoulder allows my mind to escape with the lyrics. How unexpected that the words surrounding us are exactly how I’m feeling with Nick at this moment. He’s the only one besides Josh who I’ve ever allowed this close to me. From the moment he refused to be pushed away, I’ve known he would
be the only person to overpower what I felt for Josh.

  Minutes later, the song is slowly ending and my heart is wishing it wouldn’t. Lifting my head to look at him, Nick is staring down at me with a soft smile.

  “You said you couldn’t come tonight, yet you’re here,” I point out. The thought has been lingering in the back of my mind from the moment he made his presence known.

  “I left my game early and got on the first flight I could catch. It was a day game so I knew it would be possible. Plus, I couldn’t stand being away from you much longer.”

  His confession goes straight to my heart, tugging at the strings of my emotions. Tremors course through my veins, igniting me.

  Had you told me a year ago I’d be blissfully dancing with Nick Hunter at a wedding, I’d have checked you into the psychiatric ward myself. Yet, here I am, dancing with him in the moonlight.

  He’s taken by surprise when I reach up for our lips to meet. My fist is gripping Nick’s coat for dear life to keep from tumbling straight to the ground from the weakness I’m experiencing from the kiss. Wrapping his free arm around my waist, he holds me up. I can feel the hard muscles of his chest against my forearms, the only barrier between us.

  Sparks suddenly explode inside of me, like an endless Fourth of July night. As he slowly pulls away, breaking our kiss, he leaves me with my eyes closed, and my mouth wanting for more. My heart is rapidly beating out of my chest. I’m breathless, dizzy and light headed. All from this one kiss.

  Opening my eyes to find Nick intensely gazing back at me gives me the courage to say, “I want to go home.” The words are almost breathless, yet full of yearning.

  Nick’s eyes are full of understanding as he swallows before asking, “Are you sure?”

  Nodding my head, my nerves are increasingly rising with the seconds it takes for Nick to pull away. With his arm still protectively wrapped around my waist, he leads us down the same path we came on.

  “I should let Katie know I’m leaving or else she may worry,” I comment, barely remembering I should do so.

  It doesn’t take long to find her. I simply needed to seek her out on the dance floor, where I thought she’d most likely be. Seeing Nick and I, she briefly breaks from her partner.

  “We’re leaving now,” I tell her. At first, she seems disappointed by my comment, until she sees Nick. “Have fun,” she remarks with a smile.

  I don’t know how to take her words, but regardless, I tightly embrace her to let her know I heard her. Pulling away, it’s now Sarah who is at my side and she looks happier than ever, but it may be due to some alcoholic aid.

  “It was a beautiful wedding, Sarah. Congratulations,” I tell her, already hearing her sigh. “You’re leaving already?” she whines. Glancing at Nick, her eyes light up in understanding. “I’ll see you when I get back from my honeymoon,” she says before hugging me one more time.

  Minutes later, I’m waiting at the valet station with Nick, the entire time his hand tightly entwined with mine. It’s still a strange and foreign feeling. It feels surreal, yet I no longer complain.

  “Was it a beautiful wedding?” I ask Taylor as I drive us to her apartment. My thumb is brushing against her knuckles. The need to constantly touch her has completely taken over from the moment I first held her tonight. Our text messages were sufficient to keep me happy until I returned, but now having her physically next to me is better than the image I held in my memory.

  “It’s the only one I’ve ever been to, so I have nothing to compare it to.”

  At first, her answer surprises me, but then thinking back to the few details she’s given me, it would be typical since she doesn’t like parties. Another factor that distinguishes her from other girls, she doesn’t seek attention. The difference between them and Taylor, they would throw themselves at me, she was pushing me away. And if they weren’t throwing themselves at me, I knew how to easily manipulate them to willingly give in to my request.

  This is the first time that I’ve ever had to sustain self-control when it comes to sex. She was the one who opened my eyes to see how most men treated woman when they thought with their dicks. I was the typical male who’d only seen it as sex.

  My eyes look back at her with longing as I see her nervous expression through the passing light. When she’d voiced wanting to leave, for a split second I caught a glimpse of desire in her eyes, but I’d just as easily pushed it away, not wanting to give myself false hope. I’ve heard those words plenty of times, but never would I have expected them from Taylor.

  Regardless of what happens tonight, there’s one thing I’m going to insist on, staying the night with her, even if it’s just holding her as I usually do.

  We reach her apartment and when I park the car, she turns to face me. “You coming up?”

  Nodding my head with a smile, I quickly climb out of the car to help her out. The few steps it takes for us to reach her apartment door are making me nervous.

  Inside, her arms wrap around my waist to pull me flush to her body and her lips are connecting with mine. The kiss is unexpected, but I’m just as happy to receive it. It’s taking every ounce of willpower not to pick her up and take her to her room. The power of her kiss is sending every erotic thought to course through my mind.

  Rapidly pulling away, I’m panting while I say, “Taylor . . .” The only word I manage to muster as her hungry eyes look back at me. My jaw is locked tight and my breathing is near a pant, forcing me to swallow to bring my urges under control. “I want you so badly, but you need to tell me to stop,” I finally say, unashamed of how I feel.

  “I can’t,” she replies, her eyes full of desire. It’s the only response I need to know exactly what she’s entailing and I’m in no state of mind to deny her request. I’ll just keep reminding myself of the promise I’ve made. If she says, stop, I run. Because that’s what it will take from this moment on to not scare the shit out of her.

  MY BODY IS lifted and Nick’s brisk steps take us to my room, gently laying me on my bed after we enter. He removes his coat and climbs onto the bed. He hovers above me, as if hesitant to make any more movements. Reaching up with my hand, I tug his head down towards mine, needing him to kiss me.

  Pulling his shirt from his pants, my hands make their way inside to feel the warmth of his ribcage. My mind is a mix of anxiety and anticipation, the latter overpowering my senses. His earlier demand is still lingering in the back of my mind, but regardless of how many times it’s repeating itself, I still can’t bring myself to stop him.

  His lips begin kissing their way along my neck, leaving behind a trail of sparks electrifying my blood over every inch his mouth touches. One hand slowly creeps up high on my thigh, gently gripping it. For a moment my eyes close, the darkness rapidly sending me back to the memory of the forest, yet the feel of the hands gliding along my skin are not the same.

  “Taylor . . .” The tenderness in my name brings me back to reality. Opening my eyes, I find Nick above me. “We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready,” he voices.

  “Please don’t stop,” I whimper, demanding he continue.

  He pulls me into a sitting position, leaving me puzzled. Tugging me to straddle his waist, I heed his request. It’s strange how I’ve come to love sitting in Nick’s lap, yet being in this position feels even better. My arms automatically wrap around his neck as I lean forward to resume our kissing. The kiss instantly takes away all the worry I felt just moments ago. My hands fist his hair, while his hands are fiercely gripping the sides of my waist, pulling us closer together. Even with the barrier of Nick’s pants, I can still feel the hardness that is growing against the middle of my thighs. As my core starts rubbing against his awakening erection, my blood starts to heat with a want I’ve never known.

  “God, Taylor, you’re torturing me here,” he growls into my mouth, nipping at my bottom lip. “You don’t know how much I want to keep going, but I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do,” he says before he stops to l
ook me directly in the eyes.

  The excitement coursing through my body makes my heart race as his eyes search mine for any sign of refusal. There is no way that would happen, though. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did. His hands reach for the hem of my dress, but suddenly stop there.

  “Is it okay if I take this off?” he asks, his question full of concern, seeking permission first and foremost. Reaching down, it’s my hands that tug my dress over my head. I’m straddling him now in only my bra and the mere scrap of my thong, while he’s still fully clothed. Needing to remedy that, my fingers slowly start unbuttoning his shirt and soon I’m opening it, allowing my hands to skim across his bare chest.

  Bravely, I push my center up against his hips, causing the hands on my waist to tighten as he lightly groans. His jaw is tight and the obvious strain to keep under control is radiating from his face. Feeling the urge to take his strain away, I lean down to kiss his neck. The throbbing of his vein under my tongue beats harder as I graze my tongue across it.

  With strained words, he says, “Taylor, I’m going to lay you down,” as if needing to explain his every move.

  Nodding my head in approval, our bodies gradually descend back onto the bed, while internally I’m crying out for him to hurry. He hesitantly hovers above me before leaning down to gently mesh our mouths together. Lifting up to look directly into my eyes, the concern radiates clearly from him, as if he’s waiting for me to say stop.

  My arms wrap around his shoulders, silently encouraging him to continue before the heat of his tongue touches my sensitized skin, sending a stimulating tingle all the way down to the tips of my toes. I’m burning up in a flaming heat, and with haste my hands are urging him to take his shirt off.

  Pulling himself from my embrace and kissing his way down my body, the heat of his tongue glides down the valley of my breast to my abdomen, my body reacting by arching up to him, requesting more. My hands reach down to grip his head as he trails his mouth lower until I let out a gasp, realizing what he’s about to do.